Flying can be scary. That's why flight attendants and pilots sometimes try to add a little levity (get it?) to the experience. Here are some actually airplane announcements.

PREPARING FOR TAKEOFF:

• "To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."


• "Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."


• "There may be fifty ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways off this airplane."

IN-FLIGHT GUFFAWS FROM THE PILOT

• "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the business. Sadly, none of them are working this flight."


• "Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached our cruising altitudeb of 30,000 feet, so I'm going to switch off the seat belt sign. Feel free to move about the cabin, but please try to stay inside the plane until we land."


• "The weather in San Francisco is 61 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive."

LANDING AND DE-PLANING

• "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."


• "Thanks for flying with us today. And the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us."


• "Last one off the plane has to clean it!"

Guess that's why they have recorded announcements now...

I don't know who you fly with...
"I'm sorry to say that we've landed about 20 minutes earlier than expected. Since we didn't let you fly as long as you paid for, you'll be receiving a partial refund of your ticket. Next time we'll go a little slower. Thanks!"

That was on my way to Florida last weekend.
» middaymoon on 2008-02-22 06:39:08

How can you laugh? :0 This is serious business!
» randomjunk on 2008-02-22 07:26:42

!
I like the ones in the Landing and De-Planing category the best.
Heheh
++ I like your background too!
» Mockiller on 2008-02-23 12:51:27

LOL!! I haven't heard of anything funny yet.. then again, I don't particularly pay attention to the announcements in the plane.
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